Before you criticize someone walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry he'll be a mile away and barefoot.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action there is an equal and opposite Government program.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
If you look like your passport picture you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Eat well - stay fit - die anyway.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.